Week 19
I wore my 1st maternity shirt to work this week. It felt weird and I was kind of uncomfortable. I have been all about hiding my bump for some reason, like I have bump shame or something which is just ridiculous. I’m still at the awkward stage of is she fat or is she pregnant which is why I guess I’ve been trying to hide it. I busted out the maternity jeans and leggings a few weeks ago. Maternity leggings is where it is at ladies. We celebrated Nana’s 73rd birthday this week! I was off work for MLK day so I cleaned out Mya’s play room to make some room (which will be babe’s room). I got rid of over three trash bags of stuff. AHHHH it feels SO good! Seriously decluttering is like one of my greatest pleasures. Nick came home from work and said I had a gift of being able to get rid of stuff. It is just so rewarding when you are done and there isn’t any clutter! Once we know the gender I plan to buy a dresser of Mya’s room and go ahead and move stuff around to officially make the play room the baby’s room.
Week 20
We are officially ½ way there and we still don’t know the gender! AHH it is killing me! I am thinking boy still. I do feel like the fact that we are ½ way there already makes it seem like it is going by fast. But then when I think I’m am due in June, that seems forever away!! Every now and then I will feel a little flutter and then I sit or lay there really still to try and feel it again and I get nothing. I can mostly feel it when I’m lying in bed on my stomach. I’m still having what I would say are normal pregnancy aches and pains and still extra constipated. TMI I know, I know. I am currently living on stool softeners, MiraLAX and Tums. My heart burn is the worst in the mornings and at night. My energy levels seem to be good even though I’m not sleeping great. I have extremely WEIRD dreams and feel like I toss and turn all night. I am also getting up once or twice to pee already!
I’m really wanting to stay in sweats and baggy t-shirts. Tight clothes are just a no right now. I’ve been looking for some maternity clothes because mostly what I have from when I was pregnant with Mya doesn’t fit this go around. Guess what I have learned. No one carries maternity clothes in the store and if they do you have 4 shirts (black, white, dark gray and light gray) to pick from. I hate shopping online. I want to try my clothes on! Everything is also a V neck which I hate! I am so pasty right now so I would prefer to cover up as much of my skin as possible and not have my whole neck out. Target, Kohls, H&M and Walmart do carry maternity clothes in the stores but the selection trash. I honestly have had the best luck with Ross. And their prices are a lot better too.
Mom guilt really kicked in this week. I just look at Mya and want to cry. Her world as she knows it is about to be turned upside down. She is going to have to share her mommy and daddy and she’s never had to do that. She isn’t going to understand where I am when I’m in the hospital for 2-3 days. And she isn’t going to understand when I come home everything is going to be different. It almost feels like I’m being selfish. I read this article the other night (Link to the article I read) and it hit like all my emotions on the head. I obviously don’t think I’m ruining her life by any means. I honestly think I would have been okay with having just one kid. But I have siblings and I WANTED that for Mya. I am the oldest of three and I don’t remember when my mom brought my brother home. I don’t recall my life being flipping upside-down and I don’t remember anything negative. I have always been extremely close to my brother and sister and I wanted Mya to have those unbreakable relationships too. I know it will be an adjustment, for not just Mya but for me and Nick too. People have multiple kids all the time and everyone turns out fine. I just don’t feel like there is a way to prepare yourself for the mom guilt you will feel until baby number two is actually here. I am praying my heart instantly grows and shows this baby the same love I have for Mya because right now it is hard to believe it is even possible.
-The 20 week bump
No Comments